Anecdote: Inappropriate Dwarf

21 September, 2011

Once upon a time, I was a young rogue, fresh to work as an adventurer. The Paladin had died, and the bad-ass fighter with the terrible accent kicked the bucket, too, leaving me as the party “face.” I was terrible at negotiating, knowing who to trust, and pretty much everything a good “face” is supposed to do, but I digress.

So our most experienced adventurer was this dour old Dwarf named Baldin Thorgrim Fireforge. When we first met, I thought he was a typical, dour, keep-to-himself type of Dwarf. We exchanged a few words in Davek, had polite chitchat about his clan and about Moradin. We fought at each other’s backs, countless times, and I love and respect the man as a big, excessively hairy brute of a brother. But, sometimes, it was tough.

So we finished some work for this town councilor, a pretty well-off town called Chendl. Getting sent off someplace new, we know that we’re in good graces. “My liege,” I said to the broad, “if it would please you, our journey would be expedited greatly if the city could provide us with horses.”

*Above* A horse. Probably.

“But of course, my dearest, handsome and wonderful retainer,” she told me. “They shall be provided for you at once, the strongest, most fit, and beautiful horses we have to offer.”

My noble friend, the honorable and never-faltering Baldin stepped forward, then. To this day, I still haven’t forgotten the words that came out of his mouth at that time. “Yeah, uh… do those horses… come with condoms?”

We left Chendl without horses.